Bawat kasama kita ang puso ko'y napapakanta.

Noong una tayong magkakilala bigla akong napakanta ng…

I Didn’t know I was looking for love until I found you.

Kapag kasama kita lalo na nung una taying magkita it ang kanta na galing sa puso ko…

And I’ve got all that I need right here in my passenger seat. Oh and I can’t keep my eyes on the road knowing that you’re inches from me.

Tapos sa mga sumunod na araw biglang…

I was born to tell you I love you..

Sinabayan pa nang…

You have stolen my heart!

Alam mo yung saya na naidulot mo sa ko. Hindi ko makakalimutan yun…

I could not ask for more than this time together

I could not ask for more than this time with you

Every prayer has been answered..

Tapos nakaramdam ako ng kaba na baka…

If you leave me now you take away

the biggest part of me… Baby please don’t go..

Pero biglang dumating ang isang di inaasahang pangyayari. At hindi ko alam na kakantahin ko ito..

Thought I try, I can’t find the words to say goodbye..

Lalong naging mahirap sa mga lumipas na araw na…

From above since I had it all but it

doesn’t mean anything… Now that you’re gone.

Sumagi din sa utak ko ang kantang ito na…

Di nako aasa pang muli na ikaw ay babalik

saka na lamang ngingiti. At tandaan mong mahal

kang talaga…

At ang masakit eh yung…

I miss your smiles.

I miss your kiss.

Each and everyday I reminisce…

Ang tanong sa isip ko ay kelangan kobang kantahin ang…

Goodbye to you.

Goodbye to everything, I thought I knew.

You were the one I love.

One thing that I’ve tried

to hold onto…

Heto lang naman masasabi ko sayo…

But it’s not so bad

You’re only the Best I’ve ever had.

You don’t want me back..

You’re just the best I’ve ever had.

sana mas madaming masaya pang kanta.. umaasa padin ako eh..

Itutuloy kopa ito…

Angeles University Foundation Medical Center, Doctor's Clinic

a mga oras na ito ay naghihintay upang tawagin ang aking pangalan. Check up ko ngayon sa isang Cardiologist sa kadalinang ako nakakaramdam ng paninikip ng dibdib. Bakit ganyan ang ibang tao?

Dumating ako dito pangatlo ako, ng magpapalista na pang-pito nako. Dahil ba ako ay naka unipormeng puti? Kaya nila ako di pinapansin? Isang babaeng mukhang mayaman, arogante at walang iniisip na iba ang nakakuha ng aking atensyon. Alam ko pasyente siya, hindi ba din niya alam na ako’y isang pasyente sa mga oras na ito?

Bakit kelangan niyang makipag unahan? Me nararamdaman naba siyang kakaiba sa mga oras na ito? Ako oo, galing ako sa duty ng graveyard at eto ako naghihintay tapos sumasakit pa dibdib ko [tapos ng ang unang pasyente].

Ang pangalan ng Doktor na aking kokonsultahin ay si Gabriel Jocson, M.D. Espesyalista sa puso dito sa Ospital kung san ako ay nagtatrabaho. At siya din ang humahawak sa pasyente ko na kakagaling lang maoperahan sa bato [post Kindey Transplant].

Alam ko madaming dahilan ang pagkakasakit ng aking dibdib. Hindi lang dahil sa puso pwede ding dahil sa ibang parte ng aking katawan. Ako ay nagpa-ECG [Electrocardiogram] kaninang nasa duty ako. Pinabasa ko ito sa isang Residente at sabi niya ay NSR [Nornal Sinus Rhythm] naman daw. Pero nakita din siyang kakaiba sabi niya sakin unspecific daw.

So maghihintay muna ako ng resulta bago ko ito i-post. Sana ay maganda ang balita na aking matangap mula ke Doc. Sa totoo lang ako’y kinakaban na kagabi pa. Dahil minsan sa pagkakasakit lang dibdib ay pwede na itong ikamatay ng marami.

Alam ko din ang pwedeng maging sanhi nito sadyang matigas lang ang aking ulo. Pero sana po wag lang ako mabigyan ng masamang resulta baka ito maging dahilan ng aking depresyon.
[Tapos na ang pangalawang pasyente]

At iyon tinawag ang aking pangalan para ako’y kunan ng impormasyong demograpiya. At akalain mo nga naman ang pagkakataon. Ang sekretarya ni Doc ay malapit lang kung saan kame nakatira. Kwentuhan ng konti tinanong kung sang angkan ako nanggaling.
[Ang pangatlong pasyente tapos nadin kasama ang pang-apat]

At nakatabi kopa yung babaeng aking nabanggit kanina. Inglesara, angas ng dating, ganyan kung makatingin. Hindi ako masamang tao, sinasabi ko lang aking obserbasyon tungkol sa aking napupuna sa panlabas ng anyo at pag-uugali.

At may biglang sumingit after ng pang-limang pasyente. Naku, pag minamalas ka nga naman. Dahil ang kasama nung isang pasyente ay sekretarya ng isang klinika dito kaya siguro ito nakasingit. At biglang pumasok yung babae kanina, mukhang nagreklamo oh kung anuman. Makapasok nga, at ng ako’y di masingitan.

Tapos na yung mga nakisingit. At nasa loob na yung babae. Ako na ang susunot nito, kinakabahan ako sa totoo lang. Dahil baka dahil sa katigasan ng ulo ano pa ang nakuha kong sakit. Sana wala naman po.

Oh yun tapos na, mali yung ecg saken kanina ang interpretasyon ng ECG ai Myocardial Infarction. Inulit ni Doc ang ECG ko at ayun okay naman daw. Unang reaksyon niya ‘tang ina’. At kinabahan ako ng bonggang bongga ke Doc! At iyon, hindi ako pinagbayad ni Doc. Ambait talaga niya. Salamat po sa lahat! XD

Mga walang kwentang tanong at sagot.

i was brainstorming on my own, on what to post then suddenly i thought of these...

before they're asking me How's my lovelife? eto ang sagot ko.

-seriously? self-supporting.

they asked me again after several months.

-do i need to repeat it again? self-sufficing.

after how many months again.

-bastusan gusto mo?

someone asked me again the same damn question.

-are you insulting me? what a stupid question.

after how many months. same question was asked.

-single ako. hindi ako nakikiuso. nauna ako.

after a year, same person asked again.

-do you have to reiterate over and over again?

tapos biglang naiba ang tanong. naging...

what if me nagsabing I LOVE YOU sayo, ano sasabihin mo?

-atchoooooo! i'm allergic to stupid lies.

Kapag sinabi kong mahal kita maniniwala ka?

-eh adik ka pala eh! tigilan monga ako.

Parang mahal na kita!

-ilan naba kameng sinabihan mong ganyan?

Walang katapusang mga tanong tungkol sa pag-ibig. Minsan naiisip ko, kung me magtatanong ulit, ano na ang isasagot ko? Kaya ko parin ba itong sagutin? O baka wala ng sumagot dahil nasanay na sila o mukhang di na naniniwalang magkaka-relasyon ako.

*twitter, ym, tumblr, foursquare and fb sa phone*

Me[adik]-oh nvm! nothing to worry. XD

Tjeri Ann Patawaran[kikay]- friend, new board passer.

Francis Buan [puti]- friend, new board passer.

one thing in common: UNEMPLOYED!

Meeting Place: Intersection, City of San Fernando Pampanga.

*twitter, ym, tumblr, foursquare and fb sa phone*

So at around fucking four in the morning, I woke up! HAHA. Well, actually i didn’t slept at all because I was kinda busy tweeting, ym, tumblring, and BBMing on my phone. Oh! I just love my phone.

*twitter, ym, tumblr, foursquare and fb sa phone*

Puti told me that he’s already dressed up and ready to go. And I was like, WTF man! are you in a hurry? LOLjk! So I took a bath, went downstairs to prepare some breakfast [yeah! I did prepare breakfast eventhough my friends are ready to go! LOL]. I told him, Okay! I’m already dressed up too, I’ll be going in a minute [ofcourse Filipinos, what do you think. haha. I’m not dressed up, I’ll eat first, and wait for me!]

Kikay sent me a message and said, shit! just woke up! [5am] LOL. It’s your fault why I’m late. You didn’t inform me earlier! [hey! I informed you early! around one30 am! HAHA]. Tell me when you’re leaving so that we can wait for you.

At around five30am, I’m ready to go. Puti is asking me where the hell am I. “Malapit na! Eto na oh nakikita na kita”. Where in fact kakalabas ko lang ng bahay. HAHA. Before 6am, I arrived at the meeting place and woah Puti and Kikay are already there! haha. Pasensya naman po! malayo pa pinanggalingan ko!

*twitter, ym, tumblr, foursquare and fb sa phone*

Puti and Kikay: Gagu! HAHA.

Bus to Avenida, dropped at USTE and walked for almost half an hour! HAHA. [and yeah! it’s my fault and the driver’s fault they dropped us at the back of USTE (if am not mistaken) LOL].

*twitter, ym, tumblr, foursquare and fb sa phone*

Puti and Kikay: alam mo ha? alam na alam nga ang daan! kanina pa tayo lakad-lakad! di tayo nakakarating.

*twitter, ym, tumblr, foursquare and fb sa phone*

Me: masama magkamali? hindi ako perfect! jusko Lord! last year pa ako last pumunta dito. hindi lang sa PRC umiikot ang buhay ko! HAHAHA.

*twitter, ym, tumblr, foursquare and fb sa phone*

Atlast, we arrived at ang haba na ng pila! umabot na hanggang seven11! 30 minutes naghintay. Kung ano lang makita tatawa na kame.

*twitter, ym, tumblr, foursquare and fb sa phone*

Old lady: palimos po!

Me: kikay bakit di mo bigyan si LOLA!

Kikay: ala ako barya.

Me: What’s money? paper only! ikaw Puti bigyan mo 20!

Puti: ala ako paper eh.

Me: jusko Puti! What’s money? Metal only! grabe.

Kikay: kaw kaya magbigay.

Me: ahh. ehh. ai may nag-tweet wait. reaplyan ko lang! HAHA.

*twitter, ym, tumblr, foursquare and fb sa phone*

[PRC processing. got my board certificate. puti’s done with his registration. Went to McDo Morayta to meet Yghie. Went to Araneta Ave for Kikay’s registration. Me delubyo pa atang dumating! HAHA.]

*twitter, ym, tumblr, foursquare and fb sa phone*

SM North-The Block ate at Mexicali.

-California Chili Dog.

-Tacos, Mexican Rice, and Chili con carne [pareho kame ni Kikay].

*twitter, ym, tumblr, foursquare and fb sa phone*

Trinoma.

*twitter, ym, tumblr, foursquare and fb sa phone*

Nasira ang sandals ni Kikay. Si Puti, pilit akong pinagtitripan [baka magka breast cancer ako! kasalanan kobang mataba ako! HAHA]. Lumabas na para sumakay ng Bus pauwi. Unfortunately, bumalik ulit kame dahil sabi ni..

Kikay: si Que kase! hindi sinabing ihi nako!

Me: ako kidneys mo? hawak ko bladder mo? HAHA.

Bumalik ulit sa Landmark, nag CR, nagpicture sa CR dahil walang tao. Bumili ng soap si Kikay, ako nagpabili ng atomizer for my Sterilium. XD

*twitter, ym, tumblr, foursquare and fb sa phone*

Lumabas, sumakay ng bus ang lakas ng ulan. Habang nasa NLEX..

Me and Puti: *sleeping*

Kikay: syet! sino nagpicture??

Me: adik ka! kidlat yun. matulog kana nga.

Nasa Sm Pampanga na twitter, ym, tumblr, foursquare and fb sa phone padin ako! HAHA.

adiktus. sinundo na. umuwi na! tired but happy.

I think I have a gym-built body. But, until now I still keep thinking! LOL.

ambisyoso talaga ako. HAHA. dito lang naman ako masaya eh. sa mga pangarap na binibigay ng pagkakataon. dahil ito ay walang anumang kabayaran. mangangarap ako at mangangarap ako kahit kelan ko gusto. try mo! ang saya lang. pero minsan nakakalungkot din ang sobrang mangarap. minsan hindi natin alam kung magkakatotoo ito o mananatili itong pangarap na panghabang buhay. ika nga ni Anne Curtis sa isang pelikula niya ‘No expectations, No disappointments’. dahil ang salitang ito hindi lamang siya sa pag-ibig pwede gamitin. magagamit ito sa mga ibang tulad nga ng nasabi ko. the more we expect, the more the chances of getting hurt [uy ha! ako nato. siryowsow! XD] sa panahong ito madalang nalang ikaw ay makakakita ng isang taong kontentado sa kanyang buhay. ako sa totoo lang? sasabihin kong hindi pako kontento kung ano man meron akong ngayon. dahil alam ko sa loob ko hindi kopa naranasan ang kasiyahang inaasam-asam ko simula nung bata pako. eh ano nga banaman ang magpapasaya saken? hindi mawawala ang material things kung tawagin, kaibigan kahit madami nakong kaibigan gusto ko tuloy-tuloy padin ang pagdami nila spontaneous parang flow of water hanggang ako’y nabubuhay sa mundo ito hindi ko pwedeng isara ang puso sa mga bagong taong darating sa buhay ko, KR-ka relasyon [oha! haha. gumaganon pa. emohan nanaman] sabi nga ni Popoy kay Chino sa One More Chance]

‘Baka kaya tayo iniiwan ng mga taong mahal natin kasi baka meron bagong darating na mas ok, na mas mamahalin tayo ung taong di tayo SASAKTAN at PAASAHIN, yung nag iisang taong magtatama ng mali sa buhay natin, ng lahat ng mali sa buhay mo.’

[ilang beses kona nga ba pinanuod ang OMC… 15+ na ata. LOL]

at minsan dadating sa hangganan o kung saan ang kaya ng ating puso o utak. hindi natin pwedeng ipilit ang mga bagay-bagay lalo na’t kung hindi ito para satin. baka lalo lang tayo masaktan kahat ng malakim kahit anong isiksik mo man sa maliit na butas. hindi natin maiiwasan ang masaktan; emosyal man o sa pisikal.

—

oh sandali nga lang! at bakit napunta sa ganyan ang nasulat ko? HAHA. ang adik lang talaga. parang hindi bagay ang title. well actually hindi naman iyan title kumbaga yun ang unang sentence at kasunod yung sa baba. pero hindi ko mawari bakit naging ganyan ito. pasensya naman. wala nako maisip na title eh.

mga natikman ng alak…

Red Horse [the famous! LOL]

Pale Pilsen- ayoko neto. sa totoo lang. pero nung minsan no choice nakarami ako.

San Mig Light- more calories. HAHA.

Strong Ice- di ko maisip bakit strong ice! haha.

Empe- kapag gipit. [dikopa natry yung lite]

Gin Bilog- kapag gipit much. HAHA.

GSM Blue- medyo lite sa Gin Bilog! LOL.

Gran Ma- brandy ulit.

Fundador- oh ganun din. pang matanda.

Alfonso- lalo na pag Uncles ang mga kasama. HAHA.

Vodka- susyal muna [absolut. skyy.] okay na [the bar! LOL]

Tequila- i love. [el Hombre. Cuervo. Don Enrique. Mojitos (kase me free shot glass). Rose. and PATRON!]

Bacardi- ang traydor! haha.

Baileys- ansarap lang. [minsan improvised! haha. gsm or emp+ milo and milk=sakit tiyan. LOL]

Asti Martini- i hate this. haha. yung me olives.

Some are in cocktails. XD

Weng-weng- vodka+rum+tequila+bourbon+scotch whiskey+pineapple juice+oj+ice.

Strawberry Daiquiri- light rum+juice+powdered sugar+lime

Sex on the Beach- [watdapaaaaaaak! eto ansarap] bacardi+rum+vodka+tequila+OJ+grenadine

B-52- some strong liquor+irish cream+coffe thing. LOL

Broken Heart Zombie- bacardi+triple sec+vodka+rum+oj+orange curacao+lime soda.

Adios Motherfucker- 7up+blue curacao+gin+rum+tequila+sweet and sour mix usually they use four seasons+vodka.

Slammer.

Flaming Tequila.

Sub-marine.

Blowjob.

Orgasm.

Frozen Margarita.

AND MORE! not yet finish. i think i forgot some. LOL. i know the ingredients of some cocktails, because i used to ask the bartenders. LOL. xD

Lethal Injection..

I remembered our lesson on Pharmacology tackling about the drugs used in Lethal Injection.

1. Thiopental Sodium [Sodium Penthotal]- a form o barbiturates that acts an anethetic.

2. Pancuronium - a non-depolarizing muscle relaxant, fast acting paralysis on the skeletal striated muscles including the diaphragm and the respiratory system thus leading to cessation of breathing causing asphyxation eventually leading to death.

3. Potassium Chloride - a therapeutic drug use to increase the Potassium level in the body. But, if the drug is administered in bolus[higher dosage] it can react on the cardiac muscle causing arrythmias[irregular heart beats] that can cause cardiac arrest eventually causing death.

oh yun wala lang. HAHA. feeling matalino. LOLjk.

this is better than Silya Elektrika [ikr?].But as much as possible they're trying to eradicate death penalty in the Country.But for me, I like to have death penalty! It's not being morbid or harsh. This is one way for those criminal mind to back off. But if you're in some kind of a drug addict, I don't think so you will still listen about what is right form wrong. Drugged people don't seems to have any laws. They create their own law.

Goodluck Pilipinas!

Intensive Care Unit

When I was in College Senior Year [yes you’ve read it right. i’m not a student anymore! LOL. bata pako!]. I have this male patient age range from 45-60 years old. He was confine in the ICU because of a serious attack called Myocardial Infarction in layman’s term Heart Attack. So, I’m the Nursing Student assigned to him. First, I introduced myself, established rapport, provided PM care, and some nursing stuffs. After how many hours of talking with while he was smiling. The doctor ordered to give a medication called Streptokinase [a drug used to dissolve clots but with SERIOUS ADVERSE EFFECT]. So they explain the risks of the drug to be administered to the significant others.

While administering the drug the patient suddenly felt restless we tried to calm him but we can’t. He’s insisting to stand up for him to urinate, but he’s on complete bed rest without bathroom privileges and he has a foley catheter inserted. After few minutes, he start struggling for us to be alarmed and put some restraints. Still, nothings change and I think it’s getting a lot worser. So they administer a sedative, but the patient tolerated the drug.

After few minutes the patient felt unconscious…

BP dropping.

Tachycardic [high heart rate]

Apneic [no external breathing]

Patient seems his color is changing, CODE 99. Emergency drugs. Intubation. CPR[this is the first time I did CPR. God too tiring but fulfilling]. After several attempts of intubation through mechanical and chemical. Unfortunately, the patient did not survived. Due to hemmorhage the dangerous adverse reaction of the drug administered. The patient did not tolerate the said drug.

Patient X pronounced dead at…

The sad truth about being a Nurse is witnessing someone’s death.

Expired- we use this term for someone who died.

A boy who's wearing his raincoat.

this is no photography.

A boy who's wearing his raincoat.

There are three boys passing by our house last week. Then suddenly one boy stopped and said, 'I think it will start to rain. I'm going to get my raincoat and wear it first'. The second replied, 'No, you don't have too. It will not rain'. The boy didn't listen to him and proceed to wear it. The two boys walked away and leave the boy alone. First, the boy wore the raincoat and get his bag but he noticed his bag will get wet because it is not covered by his raincoat. Second, he removes the coat again and get his bag first then tried to wear the coat. But unfortunately, the coat is just right for his body. So he decided to wear the coat and put his bag on risking the bag to get wet instead of him. FORTUNATELY, the rain did not continue.

What the heck is this? Well, for me I salute the little boy for his effort on wearing the raincoat and he's mindful about getting sick. xD

My grammar sucks bigtime! LOL. My bad. xD

WTF LIFE101

some things are better left unsaid and unknown. to avoid further arguments. or sometimes others use it as a form of excuse for a major lie. i do lie, but not all the time. i lied about what's really happening about my life. am i happy? am i sad? is it okay if they're together and you're alone? try to analyze some details about life. that's why life sucks bigtime! nowadays if you're not tough enough to handle such things, might as well lay down on your knees.

Loving you was my sweetest mistake. Well, as of the moment i hope it's not really a mistake. I'm taking risk. But, there are some uncertainties on life. False reassurance. Reaction Formation. You don't have to face problems by your own. You can always ask friends and God for companion. I assure you no one fails with some problems when God is with you. Be inspired! xD

Pampanga Baby!

Twas a birthday blast for a good friend of mine. 29MAY2010.

We need time to relax after all the hardship due to work. [but now i’m a bum]

Soothing massage from Body and Sole.

Mouth watering food from C Italian Dining at Fields Avenue, Angeles City. [the chef here was featured at Secrets of the Master because of its famous Panniza. A thin crust pizza cut into strips with bacon and ham, caramelized onion and mushroom. It’s eaten with arugula leaves and alfalfa sprout perfect and simply the best. [it’s like the Dear Darla at Yellow cab]. And two of their best pasta Spaghetti con Frutti de Mare with salmon mahimahi, prawns, imported mussels with olives, fresh tomato sauce and herbs. Pokr tenderloin ragout wiht mushroom and parmesan sauce. Oooooh i love the creamy sauce it will stay on your mouth. and the tenderloin so juicy and delicious and the grilled button mushroom tastes good also. and many more. LOL

After dinner, we decided to go to Cioccolo located at Friendship Angeles City in Grand Palazzo. For me twas the best coffee in Angeles City the ambiance is so great for couples. I love the palace setting [not all just the chairs, the ambiance, the lights. LOL]. Woah i just love their cakes. especially the Ferrero, and the Apple pie. LOL. With a good sip of Bailey’s Frappe!

To complete and the night right. We went to The Mansion drink a bit and dance till we drop. HAHA! and we head back home because the next day for them back to reality work again. For me? simple boring day. LOL!

WOOH I LOVE PAMPANGA BABY! XD

Random Thoughts. I guess?

In life you will encounter different strains of people.

Some are good, bad and neutral.

Backstabbing bitches.

Complicated jerks.

Frustrating bastards.

Mr. Brightside who's always optimistic about life.

Mr. Darkside the pessimist.

Social climber who lives by the standards of others.

Gold diggers who wanted to be on top like social climbers.

Life is a matter of choice.

There will be always be an option.

Don't settle for mediocrity, aim high.

Don't use others for your own sake. No Pain, No gain.

Never doubt the existence of others. You have no rights.

Never hide any ill-feelings about others from the past. That's bitterness.

Contentment is the key for happiness. For me.

When life gives you simple things. make the best out of it.

Give appreciation to small details.

Make life worthwhile.

Be a goal-oriented human being.

Fear GOD.

Never go with the flow. If you know/have it flaunt it.

unpredictable right? get use to it. XD

Sweet Torture

I met you online.

Chat for a little while.

Shared some feelings.

Until, it grows longer.

Then, suddenly i felt something.

Different, weird, unusual.

I felt these feelings before.

Not for a friend, but a more-friend thing.

I asked myself continue? or abort?

There's no harm in trying.

But wait, I've been thru hell just because of love.

Can I handle this one?

Finally, I'll give it a shot!

Things are getting better and better.

Until I noticed, why not the best?

Then, some problems started to burst in.

First, I know I can handle this.

Second, yes! I've been through these problems.

Third, wait! not again? i will try.

Fourth, oh men! what's happening?

Fifth, oh god! this should not be happening.

Sixth and so on and so forth... it's absurd!

There's no improvement.

It shows that everything is my fault.

Maybe, because I'm the only one who felt this way.

For you, these things are nothing.

I can't blame you for such.

I'm not forcing you to do so.

It's just that why can't you tell me?

Tell me straight right on my effing FACE!

Than hurting me this way.

It's like i'm eating marshmallows with pins and blades.

Sweet torture isn't it?

You helped me forget my sad story.

But, you created another one.

Try to be sensitive.

Don't be self-centered.

Believe me, you are not just a friend to me.

PAANO BA TLGA MAG MOVE ON?

walang kwenta ito. haha.
insert ko ang mga natutunan ko sa PSYCHIATRIC NURSING!
me advantage ang mga BSN grad sa gnyan. hehe.
madaming alam na coping mechanisms.
but still it varies. on how they will perceive it.

Yun ang pinaka malaking problema ko ngayon. uu tang ina! haha ewan ba. bakit simula ata natutunan kong mainlove. wala pa mainlove sakin. jinx nga sigugro ako. haha that's ok. i still believe in GOD. so heto na.........

Ang iba ng mo-move on kc nagbreak up. ako hndi. move on ako kase hindi ako mahal ng taong minamahal ko. kahit naba sanay ako magpakatanga. na-realize ko hindi na tama eh. ive been thru many stages [as a BSN graduate. siyempre dapat mabalis mag cope up. haha ADVANTAGE!] ive been thru denial stage. yung tipong hindi mo matangap sa sarili mo na hindi ka niya pinapansin. kahit anong gawin mo. so ayun nga. hindi ko lang alam kung ilang days. haha. yeah i know from the start na malayong maging kame. kaso ive tried many things. kaso la tlga. ma-pride ang gagu!haha. pero hindi ko siya iniyakan. though for a fact crying can relieve you from so much pain. hindi ko alam bakit hindi ko siya kayang iyakan. haha. di aq bitter [ai.denial pa ata! haha]. bigla mo nalang masasabi sa sarili ANG HIRAP. ANG SAKIT. ANG BIGAT! haha. in short you're kinda torturing yourself with that kindd of shit. haha. syiet bitter nga. lols. eto ang pinaka common na defense mechanism ng taong broken. super deny na hindi nasasaktan ang adik. eh siyempre martyr or sanay mag paka tanga [dito ako.haha]. halos araw-araw mong nifake ang tawa mo. lalo na ngayon ako dito lang sa bahay. wala magawa so lalo nadagdagan burden ko lalo ko naiisip yun. so again divertional activities [books.internet.movies.music(bigla marinig fave songs aun nanaman ang gagu mlulungkot nanaman.hehe).texting.tulog.kain].

sesond stage of grieving process. heto na ang matindi!haha ang ANGER STAGE! medyo dangerous to. dahil dito mo maicp lahat ng mga nangyari. and dahil dun na-stimulate ka para magalit ka. yung tipong ano bang wala skin bakit ayaw niya ako? P*****-I** naman. gagu yun. yung parang gusto mo ng pumatay ng tao dahil sa sobrang galit mo. hehe. ako hindi naman ganun. uu ngmumura ako kso hindi naman ako sadista para pumatay that's against the law [nursingg jurisprudence!haha]. so gumagamit nalang ako ng ibang paraan para mawala ang aking anger tulad ng isang defense mechanism yung DISPLACEMENT [redirection of feelings to a less threatening object] in short binubuhos ko ang galit ko sa mga baso. pinggan. sa pader. haha binabasag ko sila. hehe. sinusuntok ko ang pader. ayun after nun. damn narealize ko ang sakit pala [first aid!.haha]. oh alteast wala ng ibang human being na involve. kaw lang. nasaktan kana emotionally nasaktan kapa physically [sus.TANGA talaga.haha].

third stage. BARGAINING! so dito naman para nakakapag bargain ka. ayun na yun! haha eto yung stage na parang naghihingi kapa ng extension. [wag ka muna umalis please. stay for awhile]. ai sus! kahit anong gawin mo kung inevitable yan. wala kana magagawa. bwiset! ano ba ang ginawa ko sa stage nato. hmp. ahh oo. sinasabi ko sakanya. please stay kahit hindi mo nako itext. chat. or what. bsta i know andiyan ka lang. oh san kapa lalo ako naging tanga! haha. as ive said on my first blog its like I'M TALKING TO A COMATOSE PATIENT! haha. one form of katangahan nanaman. super NR [non responsive] siya. as in. lagi niya ako iniignore. eh siyempre wala naman ako magawa. wala naman ako mgical powers para i force siyaa magtext sakin. gagu yun.

fourth stage. eto dito nako talaga sa stage nato.. ang DEPRESSION! haha dangerous din to katulad ng second stage. dito malalaman kung gaano ka katapang sa mga ganitong sitwasyon. pero ka-wawa ka kapag me sakit ka sa utak tulad ng [BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER] eto ang mga taong super adik! walang kasng adik. ang taong 'MAHILIG MAG-LASLAS' syiet buti nalang hindi ako ganun. haha. uu naiisip ko kaso hindi ko magawa. damn ang sakit kaya nun. tsaka parang KSP ka lang pag ginawa mo yun. eh kung gusto mo talaga pakamatay daming way di ung maglaslas ka sa wrist eh pag pinunasan mo jusko parang galos lang! anu un. lalo mo lang sinaktan sarili mo. eto tip para sa mga gustong pakamtay.haha

tips:

1. UMINOM NG MARAMING ASPIRIN AT CGRADUHING WLANG MKKALAM NA KHIT SINO PRA SURE KNG MAMATAY! sigurado duduguin ka. tignan ko lang kung mabubuhay kapa.

2. KUMUHA NG BLADE [or maganda yung sterile para maiwasan ang infection.haha] TAPOS SA TAAS NG LEEG SA SIDE SA MALAPIT SA BABA DUN MO LASLASIN ANG LEEG MO. un para duguin ka ng bonggang bongga!haha

3. HUWAG KANG HUMINGA NGA 4-5 MINUTES OR DAGDAGAN MOPA.ligtas ka nga nun.kaso me sira na utak mo nun.oh diba baka me chance ka pang ma paralyze.

4. UMINOM NG MARAMING LYSOL TAPOS PILITING MAGSUKA PARA MASIRA ANG IYONG LALAMUNAN AT NG HINDI KA NA MAKAHINGA.

5. LANGHAPIN ANG USOK NG KOTSE AT DAPAT LAHAT NG USOK PASOK SAYO. Carbon Monoxide poisoning.

oh ayun na muna. hindi kaya ako makukulong dahil dito.haha

at ang last stage ang pinaka mahirap gawin.. ACCEPTANCE! so dito. tangap mo na lahat ng pagkawala ng isang tao sa buhay mo kahit gaano mo pa kamahal. in short nakapag move on kana. astig diba? kaso nga yun nga eto ang pinaka mahirap. dahil ang iba bago makadating sa stage nato PATAY na. haha. yun ang mga taong 'ULTIMATE TANGA' para sa isang tao lang papakamatay pa. sus! as if mamahalin ka niya kang papakamatay ka. mamahalin ka man nun dahil naawa. 'NAPIPILITAN LANG'. so bakit mo pa sasayangin ang ang buhay mo sa taong wala namang kwenta! walang pakinabang sa buhay mo? hindi lang naman siya nagiisang taong kaya mong mahalin. yun nga mahirap nga lang yun. baka dumating pa sa point na parang naghanap ka ng bago para gawin mo siyang laruan para makalimutan mo ang nakaraan.. so that sums it all

'LIFE WILL NEVER BE FAIR' - Que

'PEOPLE ALWAYS LEAVE' - Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer [OTH]

'EVERYBODY LIES' - Gregory House, M.D.

yan ang tatlong importanteng quote sa buhay ko. haha. signs of bitterness? well. parang ganun na nga.haha

till next time.. hehe
sabi na sayo wala kwenta eh..

-Mr. Jinx101